The Second Honeymoon

Editing was supposed to be something scary. I have to admit, I was afraid to start working on Guardians because what if it sucked? My self-confidence well not shattered, was definitely bruised, and I didn't want to find out that I was bad. However, I was pleasantly surprised at how enjoyable the task is turning out to be. Actually, let me back track and explain how I've decided to approach the editing process. The first time I read through the manuscript the only actual changes I'm going to make are typos or small word choices. However, I am taking notes about scenes I'd like to add, or places that I'd like to work on a character, or points that need to be clarified. I'm also making a list of phrases that I use too much. And honestly, it feels like I'm back where I need to be mentally. I have this flow of ideas, and I'm excited about Guardians in a way that I haven't been in a while. Honestly, the way I'm feeling is even more than reinvigorated, it really is like falling in love all over again. 
Self-doubt is a tricky thing because it forces you to strip yourself bare and reexamine who you are. Sometimes you can ignore the whispers but sometimes you walk away less confident than when you started. And sometimes you get sick of hearing yourself whine and remind yourself that you're a grown up and you can handle criticism. In writing the first person an author has to impress is themselves. I've been telling myself for the last year that I should be writing for myself but I didn't believe it until I remembered that I'm not writing to become famous or impress other people, I'm writing because I love it. I love to write because it's a vehicle for me share my views on life and a way for me to explore my fantasies and live in my imagination. In a world that's so uncertain, writing gives me a measure of control that is empowering. It feels good to be able to flip through the pages of my novella and know that I wrote every word and that all my hard work paid off. Writing is something that's mine and that I have created. Ultimately I do want to get published but truthfully, I'm enjoying what I'm doing and I'm ready to dive back into what I love.