Selective Memory

"Um...yeah...I was going to say words." No that's not a piece of dialogue, it's something that I say whenever I've forgotten something. As I start to work on a draft of Troubleshooter the new quote is "um...yeah...I was going to write words." It's amazing how much you can forget when you feel like it. When I was writing the first draft of Guardians (and which is by no means done) I remember taking forever to finish. But I thought that the slowness was my lack of discipline. Turns out it's because I don't know what to write. Recently I read an interview with an author who said that for a period of six months he wrote for 4-5 hours a day. My first thought was: how does he have enough to say. True, the author went on to add that he didn't like anything that he wrote but still. He was able to write for 4-5 hours in a day.

I'm stuck. The honeymoon stage with Troubleshooter is over in some ways. The initial excitement has faded and now I have to peel back the layers of this story and figure out what I've got. Quite frankly the answer is that I have no clue. And it's not that I'm afraid of failure, I've written enough crap to know that eventually you will produce something decent. It's more that I don't remember how I finished a draft last time. 

When I finished the first draft of Guardians I thought that even if I wasn't a perfect writer at least I had an idea of how I functioned as a writer. The next time, I reasoned, I would be able to avoid the wasted time I spent staring at a blank page. Apparently every story is its own beast. And the only solution is to keep working until this process also becomes a pleasant memory. 

Bleed Barnard Blue

I'm a tour guide for a women's college. What this means is that there's a part of my tour that I discuss why it's beneficial to be in an all female environment. Here are a few snippets from what I have fondly dubbed my sales-pitch.

"The fact that Barnard is a women's college wasn't a pro or a con when I applied but it's something that I have come to appreciate so much."

"There is such an atmosphere of assumed success here at Barnard and a lot of that has to do with the fact that the faculty knows that we're passionate, determined, women who are going to go out in the world and know that we're going to kick butt." (Yes I say butt on my tours.)

"I have always been a feminist but Barnard has helped me to articulate what being a feminist means to me."

All this seems incredibly tangential considering that this blog is about my writing. However the new story I'm writing, Troubleshooter, is partially centered around a relationship. I was fighting against the romantic aspect, because I know that women and men can be strictly platonic. Once I started using the song Meet Virginia to shape Amelia I knew that there would have to be a romantic aspect to this story.

The problem is creating a genuine relationship without being cliche in any way. As any of my friends can tell you I'm a huge fan of romantic comedies and I know every overused plot line in the book. Since they're overused I don't want to fall into basic rom-com traps. Amelia is an incredibly strong women. However, I don't want her love interest, Theodore Oliver Finley (my favorite name ever by the way) to take her hand, gaze into her eyes and say, "you shouldn't always be taking care of everyone, you need someone to take care of you." (I'm cringing as I type.) Finley becomes her partner as Amelia starts to investigate why her home is being continually attacked. He becomes a confidant and that's why they start to fall for each other. I want those aspects of their relationship to shine through.

The reason I started this post talking about feminism is because I feel that relationships are continually distorted in pop culture. There are so many TV shows focused exclusively on which man a women is dating. I want to create a touching, sweet relationship between Amelia and Finley without globbing them together. (Yes globbing is a word.) Each character should have their own identity as well as forming an identity as a couple. 

Anyway, this post doesn't have a solid answer but I did want to include about three lines of dialogue that I love and which I think start to unpack Amelia and Finley's relationship. (There are no she said or he said but Amelia speaks first.)

"You don't annoy me."
"I don't?"
"You infuriate, aggravate, and mystify me but you don't annoy me." 

A New Chapter

I've had some pretty cheesy titles but I think this one takes the cake. It's so incredibly necessary though. Almost as soon as I wrapped up the second draft of Guardians I realized that I didn't want to stop writing. I needed to dive into a new project to keep me occupied while I was letting Guardians sit for a bit. Luckily, I wasn't searching for inspiration but had already been letting a few things mull in my brain. Also PSA, this post is a few weeks in the making, it's going to be a long one.

As I continue to write I've realized that I start with setting when I write. I enjoy infusing magic into the world or creating new worlds entirely. Once I've built my world a bit I start to consider who would be living there. To build this world I started drawing on a few experiences I had recently have. This summer I got to go hiking in Vermont and after spending the past three years in New York City I was exciting to go back to nature and really loved being around non-smoggy air up in the mountains. During one of my hikes I decided that I wanted to set my next story in the middle of nowhere and started getting excited by the idea. My second piece of inspiration came from one of my classes. We were discussing how in classical literature the hero frequently leaves home and then returns. I wanted to write a different arc. I wanted a character who loves her home so much that she is going to defend it at any cost.

My next task was to craft a world that was worth saving. I settled on an alternate America in the mid 1800s during the frontier times. There is a lot of folklore within that time period that I want to explore. After doing some basic Google research on the time period I picked a version of Fort Union in North Dakota because of its history. I felt drawn to it because the fort was a trading post where people came as a pit stop. It wasn't just a place for traders to congregate. Explorers, scientists, and artists also frequented the fort. To me, a place that was a hub of the midwest sounded perfect.

The final step of the beginning stage of writing was to create my protagonist. I knew I wanted her to be female and I wanted to be writing in first person. While I've done some writing in first person, Guardians is in third person so I'm excited about writing in a different style. I actually came up with a name right away as well. Meet Amelia Carlton, official Troubleshooter of Fort Turner.

As I was starting to write about this earthy, powerful and slightly argumentative young woman (she's twenty-two, I wanted to get past the teenage years) I actually had a brainstorm. Train's "Meet Virginia" had been rattling around my ear drums for the past few days and it seemed to be the perfect fit for the evolving Amelia. I started writing about her based on the song lyrics and I'm really excited about how it's turning out. Some of the lyrics have to be interpreted to make it fit but I'm having a lot of fun getting to know Amelia and I can't wait to keep discovering her and her story.

Here is an excerpt from Trouble Shooter based on the line "you catch her stealing she won't confess," which I have some fun with interpreting because Amelia is not a thief.

"Oh hi." I raced past Finley. The rope I needed was in the armory.
"Where are you going?"
I had no time to play tour guide. "Do you hear bells?"
"Non/"
Pausing I listened. "Dammit! Well they should be ringing." I back tracked to the Assembly Room. Behind the stand was where the  Assembly Leader stored the alarm. 
"Are you supposed to be back here?" Finley had followed me.
"I'm the Troubleshooter. In times of trouble I'm allowed to do whatever is necessary to keep Fort Turner sage."
The alarm was a small silver bell. About to ring it I saw a hand in my peripheral vision. It grabbed the bell.
"Really? You have the authority?" Sarcasm slid off his lips.
That was it. "We don't have time for minutia! You've never been here when we've been under attack. People could die if I don't sound the alarm."
I don't know what convinced Finley have he did let go. Clanging echoes pealed throughout the fort, triggering other bells.
"Here." I tossed Finley the bell. "If you're so concerned about the alarm you can put it back. I have to go see what's trying to kill us."

Second Draft Chronicles: Next Steps

And we've made it. I promised to keep writing until I felt that I had accurately chronicles my experience writing the second draft of Guardians of Cornerstone and I have. From reconsidering my goal of doubling the word count, to adjusting to a new audience, to reconfiguring the sections, I feel pretty good about what I've done. Now the last thing to do is look forward.

If you have time (and it's summer so you might) to skim through three and a half years worth of posts in this blog then you'll see that many of them are riddled with self-doubt. As an aspiring author I'm setting myself up for a lot of personal rejection and unfortunately it's just a trade hazard. Harper Lee, one of the most acclaimed authors I've read once wrote, "I would advice anyone who aspires to a writing career that before developing his talent he would be wise to develop a thick hide." I have to take her advice as I head into the next phase, which is receiving feedback.

When I finished the first draft of Guardians I was willing to let anyone read it. Then this past September as I started to rework the entire plot I decided that I didn't want anyone reading the first draft because I knew that Guardians was going to become so much more. At this point though I need fresh eyes. There are parts of the story that I know don't work but quite frankly I have no idea how to fix them. And then there are parts that I love and I hope other people will as well. But in order to gain this feedback I need to brace myself for criticism which I may not want to hear.

It's amazing that anyone ever finishes a novel. Good writers read and when you read what's already out there it can be the most enjoyable intimidation experience. I'm not trying to emulate anyone but there are authors I love who when I read them I think, I can't do what they've done. But at this point I do believe that my story is one worth telling and I'm going to keep working until I get to share it with everyone.

For this final post of the second draft chronicles please enjoy Kalynn trying to pick SHana up after her moment of great failure.

            There was a knock on the door. “Shana!” More pounding. “Shana you have to let someone in.”

            Shana stayed silent and kept reading her book.

            Kalynn continued to knock. “This someone has hot chocolate charms.”

            A bolt of navy light struck the Lock Charm and the door swung open.

            “Make the hot chocolate then.”

            There was a clink as the charms hit the mugs. Green light sparked and Shana could smell the hot chocolate.

            Shana returned to her book. Right now it was easier to focus on someone else’s life.

            A mug blocked the page. “Normally I wouldn’t like you ordering me around but you’re sad. Drink this.”

            The drink was rich and sweet. “Thank you.” Chocolate always made everything better.

Second Draft Chronicles: Sections

Welcome to the penultimate post in my second draft chronicles. Now that I've covered word count and audience it's time to talk about the actual structure of Guardians. When I started writing the second draft I thought I was going to add a part one. At this point, there are six parts and none of them are quite what I had anticipated.

Instead of simply adding on to what I already had I ended up rewriting almost every single scene from the first draft as well as adding on about forty pages. At that point though it was hard for me to make sense of everything. For large parts of the story I'm jumping back and forth between Boston in our world and Cornerstone, the fantastical city in my alternate universe. If I was getting confused then new readers could probably have a harder time.

The first step to straightening out the maze was creating chapters. After that it felt natural to divide those chapters into sections. This way readers can see the parallels between the two worlds but not forget where the action is taking place. On a more personal level adding chapters and then sections made the story feel more real. It was as if I was adding one more part that would make it an official novel. It's unclear when that day will come but at this point I'm one step closer. 

Tomorrow I'll wrap up but for now here's another excerpt from Guardians of Cornerstone. This is one of my favorite scenes because a) I'm just proud of the writing and b) I love Ben and Rafi's friendship. (It's the only bromance I can truly participate in)

            There was a knock on the door at Shooting Star.

            Ben poked at a lump. “Raf! The repairmen are here.” Rafi shook shaggy blonde hair out of his eyes and glared at Ben. “Man I just want to sleep.”

            “Dude the repairmen are here. Wake up so we can let them in.”

            “You let them in.” Rafi lumbered over to the counter. “I’ll make coffee.”

            Ben decided that it was easier for Rafi to remember the machine was broken on his own. He opened the door instead.

            “Hi. Come in. Ignore the blonde zombie in the corner. Once you start fixing the machine he’ll realize why he can’t make coffee.”

            The two men laughed and shooed Rafi out from behind the counter.

            Grabbing his friend, Ben towed Rafi into the small office in the back. “Let’s just wait here until they’re done. You know Mr. N. has his own coffee pot.”

Glaze-eyed Rafi nodded. Ben wasn’t sure he had heard anything but ‘coffee.’ Two cups (each) later the boys were back.

            “Don’t forget that we have practice today after work.”

            Rafi was slumped against the wall, eyes half closed, nursing his third cup. “For?”

            “Our band.”

            “We have a band?”

            “No stupid. We have football practice. Last time I checked you were our quarterback and pre-season starts today.”

            “Oh that practice. Yeah, Jake is covering so we can leave.”

            “It brings us closer to D-day.” Ben swirled his finger in the foamed milk.

            “D-day?”

            “The first day of senior year.”

            “And?”

            “I don’t know, it’s our last year of high school, we’ll be applying to college, shouldn’t this be significant or something?”

            Rafi shrugged. “If you want it to be.”

            “I guess I do.”

            Rafi’s smile was only slightly mocking. He hoisted his mug. “Well then here’s to D-day.”

            Ben toasted him. Rafi was a pain but he was his pain.

Second Draft Chronicles: Audience

Welcome to the third installment of the second draft chronicles. Yesterday I covered word count which leads me to the next topic: audience. When I started to write I was determined to make the story a Young Adult novel. I started doing research on how long a typical YA story has to be and I was all set to double my first draft in order to hit the correct word count. However, like I said yesterday I couldn't get the draft beyond 43,000 words. 

At this point I was really grateful for the fall I spent interning at Scholastic Publishing. While working in their PR department I was exposed to which books were targeted for certain age ranges. Once I had almost hit the end I started remembering the books geared towards 8-12 year olds or middle grade books. And poof my YA dreams had magically transformed into middle grade dreams. 

Full disclosure: I still totally read middle grade books. This past semester I was assistant teaching at a middle school and helping seventh graders choose independent reading books. Their classroom library was full of authors that I loved as a kid like Phillip Pullman and Eoin Colfer. It also had books that I read now by more recent authors like Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson series. Middle grade is this really cool point where kids are just starting to grow up and think about things outside of their immediate circles. So I realized that writing for middle schoolers might be a unique opportunity to help kids learn.

When I go back to edit this second draft I will be keeping my new target audience in mind. And I've started to get really excited about it. When kids are in the 8-12 range they still enjoy being read to occasionally, which is something that I used to love. So one of my biggest goals for Guardians is to write a story that kids love and parents love to read to their kids.

Tomorrow I'm going to cover some of the nuts and bolts of reorganizing a draft. For now enjoy another scene from Guardians of Cornerstone. In this part Rafi has just insulted Kalynn and he needs to apologize.

             “Kalynn please listen.” She kept her back to him, fiddling with the tulip. Handsome Rafi might be but tactful he was not.

            “Please turn around. I want to apologize. I have a temper.”

            She took a quick glance at him. His expression was blank so she couldn’t tell if he was being genuine. Turning around she went back to the tulip.

            Two hands latched onto her shoulder and spun her.

            She glared at Rafi. “So? We all get angry. And I understand that this can’t be easy for you. But I wouldn’t waste my breath calling one of the only people who can help you a freak!” Self-consciously she rubbed her pointed ears. “Don’t you think I’m aware of what I look like? I’ve been studying charms and potions to disguise myself in your world for the past two years. Did it ever occur to you that I might like the way I look?”

Silence. Kalynn watched Rafi wondering what he was thinking. He kept staring at her; his gaze shuttling up and down her body until it settled on her eyes.

 Her breath hitched. She swallowed, suppressing a cough. There was no chance she was going to be the one to break the silence.

“I never thought of it that way.” Rafi finally mumbled a response. He seemed to realize that he was staring and looked at the ground. “You just have to understand, that I haven’t had a lot of time to process. Until a few minutes ago I had no clue that, um, what are you exactly?”

She bit her lip to stop from smiling. “An earth sprite.” 

“Yeah, well I had no clue that earth sprites even existed until about five minutes ago.”

He looked so lost and ashamed. Kalynn didn’t feel bad for yelling at him but she did want to move past the fight. Until Ben and Rafi went home she and Shana were all they had and Shana had already proven that she wasn’t ready to accept the Others. The boys shouldn’t have to deal with two angry Guardians.

Impulsively she reached out, squeezed his hand, and let go. “Well we are real. And know you know.” This time she did grin at him.

Slowly he smiled back.

Second Draft Chronicles: Word Count

Welcome to the second installment of the second draft chronicles. This is where I share what I've learned from writing the second draft of Guardians of Cornerstone. First up: word count.

When I started editing the first draft my original plan was to double the word count. It was roughly 41,000 words, which is not long enough for a young adult novel. Minimally YA novels should be 55,000 (according to Google anyway). So I added a whole new plot section and decided to simply place it before what I already had. 

If I've learned anything while writing it's that original plans mean nothing.

The current word count is roughly 43,000. The reason the count didn't increase that much is because I ended up taking out full sections and rewriting them. As I got towards the end I realized that it was okay that the word count didn't increase the much. One thing that aggravates me when writing papers for school is page minimums. If I've said what I need to say there's no reason I should keep writing for the sake of length. The same thing is true, in my opinion, for fiction writing. It's better to have a tighter story that makes sense than to put in a lot of random and unnecessary scenes for the sake of length. 

Coming to terms with the word count also shifted my perspective on audience which, luckily, is the subject of tomorrow's post! For now enjoy this excerpt from the new draft. In this scene Shana and Ben are struggling to become friends.

             This coffee run was starting to be as awkward as dinner last night. He was starting to wonder how Shana and Kalynn had ended up being friends if Shana didn’t know how to hold a conversation.

            “What are you staring at?”

            “Nothing really. I just don’t know what to say.”

            “Well what do you normally talk about?”

            “I actually don’t really know. My friends and I talk about school, and sports, and family, and just stuff. Sometimes we’re not saying anything important but we can talk forever.”

            “Can we do that?”

            “Maybe. I don’t know you that well. And you’ve spent a lot of your time frowning at me.”

            “Ben I am trying to be polite. I haven’t frowned at you all day.”