First Drafts Will Be Bad

I had no intention of posting today. I got a post up yesterday, which was an accomplishment in and of itself given that the draft had been hanging around for an entire weekend. Today was going to be about actually writing, not writing about writing. But then I hit a revelation. First drafts are always bad.

Let me explain...

I've started to share bits and pieces of Guardians with various friends and I always add the disclaimer: "unedited first draft" (much like my blog posts). In some ways, I've been ashamed of my draft instead of being proud of the hard work it represents. Because let's face it, a lot has been cut and in my head I know that the second draft is going to look a lot different and be a lot better.

So as I was starting to write today I realized how much better I understand my characters now, how much more interesting the plot is going to be, and overall how I've become a stronger writer. Then I understood that years from now as I'm hopefully cranking out a first draft for yet another novel (pretty please universe, let it be so) that that first draft will be bad the same way that the first draft of Guardians is bad. No, it's not a bad piece of writing it just can and will be better. Just like I'm not a bad writer I just can and will be better.

So here's to this first draft with many more (hopefully) to come.

Clearing the Haze

I feel like I've been walking in a haze for a while. I've been working, interning, salvaging my social life, and reading- a lot of reading. From getting free books courtesy of my internship to rediscovering the joys of having a library card, the amount of books I've consumed has been insane. While I've loved every minute of it, writing has been put on standby. Not intentionally this time, though I do like to take breaks now and then. It's just been more fun to read other people's words than to worry about my own. 

Now I feel like I'm coming to the end of a marathon. When I began editing in April 2012 (almost a year and a half ago) I had no idea what I was doing or how to go about making changes. Now I'm still not sure I have a handle on things (it might have broken-->excuse the bad pun) but I'm standing on firmer ground now than I was at the beginning. The final push will be writing all my new pieces, stitching them together to form the whole draft, and the starting the editing process all over again. 

For now though, I'm just going to keep writing, like the excerpt posted below. It's about the differences in time between our world and the world I've been creating in Guardians.

Time is only slightly real. The sun does set and rise, there is night and day, dark and light. Past that, time is constructed. You humans count sixty seconds, sixty minutes, twenty-four hours, three hundred and sixty-five days, and countless years. We count too, but slower. Magic makes it easier to slow down. We have no need for technology after all, no need to always hurry. Occasionally we do move quickly but it is because we want to not because we have to. When you go back to your world you will hurry again. But everyone else is still hurrying and it will be like you have never left.

NaWriLi

Yes, this is a long and awkward acronym. Pronounce it nah-wry-lie. It is less awkward to say though than NaNoWriMo and perhaps more challenging as well. NaNoWriMo is in November and it stands for National Novel Writing Month. The goal of NaNoWriMo is for people who have always wanted to write but never have the time/motivation to make themselves write every day. It's great I guess, but for me, I want to make a deeper commitment. 

You can't write a novel in a month. Maybe if you're incredibly prolific you can write a draft in a month. But developing characters, setting, plot, and making sure that you have a strong voice takes time. It's taken me twenty-one years (yes, my whole life) with the majority of the work being done in the past three. It's unrealistic to expect that you can write a novel in such a short amount of time. That's why I've stated NaWriLi or National Writing Life. It doesn't represent anything specific but it sends the message that writers write, and they learn something new every time they do.

This month I've learned that if I spend more time writing I spend less time writing about writing. It's good for Guardians and not so great for this blog, but honestly I'd rather be closer to finishing a second draft than posting on here every day (not that I don't love posting). There's been progress, which is exciting, and more confusion, which is to be expected. As I add more elements into the plot I need to be able to keep everything straight. I try not to get hung up on the details and just enjoy what I'm doing. 

Two-Do Lists

Firstly, happy 70th post! Secondly, excuse the pun (well not really). It fits with what I want to be doing, which is write about two different to-do lists that I have.

To-do lists keep me grounded. There is nothing better than the satisfied feeling of checking something off your list. Recently, in order to keep track of all the parts of Guardians I still had to write I started a to-do list specifically for it. 

The list not only keeps me on track it keeps me focused. For example, if one of my tasks is, "write chapter one" (just finished!!!!) then my job is to write chapter one. It's not to reread chapter one a million times, criticize it to an inch of its life, and want to delete everything and start all over. Editing should come only after I've written the whole story. That way, everything is put into perspective.

The second to-do list is a little more ambitious but at this point it's dream big or go home. Ready for it?

1. By the end of senior year of college finish a manuscript of Guardians of Cornerstone that I'm proud of

2. Start submitting to literary agencies

3. After an unknown number of rejections get signed by an agency

4. Wait for the agent to find a publisher (which will undoubtedly also involve rejection)

5. Have first book published

6. Smile as I check everything off my to-do list

This list is my reality in some ways. It's everything that has to happen in order to finish the journey that I started senior year of high school. And even though it will take a lot longer than finishing sections of my story, in the end, checking off those boxes will be so much more satisfying. 

Rereading, Series, and Advice

First, an apology for not having a catchy title. Now onwards and upwards.

I am a passionate advocate for rereading. I think that every time you read you can learn something different about the book, about the author, or about yourself. We're different at every point in our lives so we bring something new to a book every time we read. 

This time, I decided to pick up a series that I had read starting in sixth grade (don't judge) the Stravaganza series by Mary Hoffman. Hoffman's concept is that teenagers use talismans to be transported to an alternate Italy in the 16th century. Firstly, the series is engaging, touching, and I love the characters. This time around though I also gained some valuable insights into how I can improve Guardians.

As I've been saying for the past few months I'm working on doubling my manuscript. Part of this addition includes a further look at Ben and Rafi in our world before they're whisked off to Cornerstone. I'd been worrying about these parts. Where they moving too slowly? Did they actually add anything to the plot? 

Enter Mary Hoffman and her flawless transitions between our world and the one she has created. At the beginning of each book in the series (there are six) she introduces the problems in both worlds, sets the tone of the book, and then quickly has the main characters intersect. I had picked up the series on a whim but I gained actual writing advice as well.

The Beauty of Scratched Lines

After a lifetime of trying to write I have completely defeated my fear of crossed out lines. They are beautiful and instructive. It may seem like these black inked lines are mocking me, telling me that I haven't written anything worth keeping. In reality though, they are challenging me to do better because they know I can. (Excuse the metaphors, I wanted to do something cheesy...as usual.) 

It takes strength to cross out lines you've already written. Sometimes it's so agonizing to write a paragraph you can't believe that you're going to have to start all over again. But it always makes the writing better when you start over. Because forcing words to work isn't the right way to write. You have to feel comfortable with what's on the page, not want to grimace whenever you read it.

Like everything in life, crossing out is something that needs to be done in moderation. If everything is crossed out then there isn't anything left to work with. Right now I'm struggling not to cross everything out. I'm frustrated but I know that I have to leave something for me to edit. So even though I want to cross out everything and start all over again, I know that there are some phrases that I can work with, make better, and eventually feel good about.

Twist Tie

Over the summer I stepped back from Guardians for a bit. It was good and gave me a chance to focus on other pieces. But as you can see from my past two posts I'm back full throttle. It's amazing what a sense of surety can do. Somehow, I know that I'm going to be able to get everything done. These past few years have also given me more insight into the writing process. So when I decide to do something crazy, like tweak the plot drastically, I can handle it. Believe it or not I haven't written anything that relates to my new plot development. It's easier to let the idea sit in my mind and cook for a bit and then when I know that everything is concrete enough I'll start writing.

In the meantime I'm just plugging ahead with chapter one. Working chronologically has been helpful in this case because it provides me with a blueprint for what I'm supposed to be doing. Normally it's more fun to jump around to whatever I feel like writing but in this case it's better to stay grounded and keep going forward.

Now to jump topics a bit...

Right now I'm working on Ben and Rafi's story before they even discover Cornerstone and get transported to this alternative, magical universe. It's completely normal and it's been interesting for me to write something that reads as realistic fiction instead of fantasy. This writing is more real in some ways because I can't use magic to move the pace along, I just have to rely on my character's emotions. Of course, I love adding the magic in. To me, fantasy is exciting because it allows you get lost in another world and only after realize that everything relates to your life. But I guess it's also important to figure out how to write when I'm in the real world.

So here's an excerpt about hot chocolate and parents

Mom was waiting for him inside with a cup of cocoa. The good, the bad, the stressful, every occasion had to be marked with hot chocolate, Ben thought not unappreciatively.
She hadn't forgotten the whipped cream or marshmallows either. "How did it go?"
The marshmallows came off first. Ben chewed them slowly. The the whipped cream disappeared with a swipe of the spoon his mother had knowingly left for him. After a gulp of cocoa he shrugged.

Plot Twist

Doubling a novel means adding a lot. About 40,000 words to be exact. While this might be a moment of panic, as I continue to edit and read I've learned that there's always more to add. There are plot gaps to fix, scenes that can be elongated, a world to develop and characters that have to grow. All of these are concepts I've been talking about for the past year or so as I've been continuing to work on Guardians. The other day I decided to change the plot. Not dramatically, but rather I wanted to add drama. For a while I've felt that the plot was moving too slowly and that parts of the book might not be engaging enough.

Once in a while I get brainwaves. They're exciting, enthralling, and energizing. (Yes, that's a lot of e's.) Over the summer I talked about the feeling of having things fall into place. The new plot idea was one of those moments. There will be a bit more mystery, a stronger villain, and a lot more tension. True, I love books that feel like every day life, that really make us feel like we're living with the characters. BUT...when I read I want something that's not like real life. I want mystery, adventure, and magic. So I'm amping everything up to give myself, and hopefully others, what they want.

To provide some back story before I give an excerpt: Helvor, the crazed magician who created the portal between the two worlds in the first place, is trying to merge both universes back together (even though it will actually kill everyone.) In this scene he has Ben and Shana in his clutches.

Shana was furious. No one controlled her. To find out that she was part of some twisted scheme to merge the Anchor and Other worlds was not only enraging it was terrifying. Still, being angry was better than being scared. 
She turned (as much as she could while in chains) to let Helvor have it.

Further Adventures in Paper Writing

I am currently writing one of the hardest papers I've ever been assigned. As someone who cranked out multiple five-page papers every three to for weeks last year it's hard to figure out why one four page paper is causing me so much stress. It's not that my papers are ever perfect, but I've figured out how I write and once I hit my stride I can produce a draft in under three hours. This one though is nearly impossible.

Perhaps it's the fact that this professor is incredibly tough. Perhaps it's because I'm "spinning wheels" (his words.) Perhaps it's because I'm so confused I've forgotten what I'm saying. When a paper is this frustrating it's hard to enjoy writing and hard to feel confident. I'm spiraling into some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy where I think I'll get a bad grade so I'm doing poorly as a result. Time to bring in three years of experience with writer's block. True, writing fantasy is way more enjoyable than writing about Greek philosophy but the principles should be the same. 

1. Write the parts you can. If you're not feeling inspired by part of your argument stop and move onto something else. You can always fill in the gaps while editing. 
2. If a line seems tortured than it probably is. Making a sentence longer with more transition words does not mean that it's stronger now. Even though length is important knowing what to delete is probably more important. (see number three).
3. Get to the point. No one wants to read pages of description. Likewise, no professor wants to read paragraphs of introduction. Once I figure out my point (it's somewhere in the paper) I'll make it the first sentence and build off of it.

So this paper isn't impossible. And writing this post was therapeutic. There's no guarantee that I'll magically become a machine and write an A paper. But at least I've reminded myself that I do know what I'm doing. 

To everyone out there reentering paper writing season, good luck and I hope this helps. 

Three Years Later

Almost exactly three years ago I began brainstorming for what would eventually become the 109 page manuscript of Guardians of Cornerstone. It took me a year and a half to finish a draft and I've given myself another two years (plus the year and a half I've already had) to double it, edit it, and make it ready for submission. Through this experience I've definitely learned about how I function as a writer, started to find my voice, and figured out what I want my story to do. It's weird to think of a story as doing something but if it didn't behave a certain way (pace, tone, etc.) then it wouldn't be distinct. (Sorry if that didn't quite make sense, it's only the second week of school and I'm already exhausted.)

I'm really proud of myself for still working on Guardians. This is the first story that I've written that I haven't given up on. As I've been writing I've started to realize that I can do this (this being finish) and potentially one day even get published. Not that there won't be anxiety or self-doubt but it's nice to know that I can have moments of calm.

To celebrate, and because I was bored in class, I made a word cloud of my Guardians draft. First I have to say that I'm amazed that technology can process 41,000 words in under a minute and turn it into a word cloud. Secondly, it gave me a good idea of which words I use the most. Predictably, Shana, Ben, Kalynn, and Rafi's names were the most frequent (in that order.) However, words like eyes, mouth, and shook, also made appearances. During the editing process I've been trying to see what words and phrases I use too much and this was a great visual. 

So happy anniversary Guardians and may you one day be sitting on a shelf somewhere.

My Mother is Almost Always Right

On Monday July 29, 2013 I attended Newsweek/Daily Beast's Women in the World  Foundation's Next Leadership Academy on behalf of the Barnard Department of Communications. (Yes that's a long sentence with a lot of organization titles.) This summer I've been interning at Communications and they sent me to the conference to write a reflection piece on the conference. 

True confession: I tried to write for my high school newspaper in 10th grade. It seemed that journalism was not my thing. My mother told me I should have stuck with it, and that any writing experience is good.

Enter the rain of laughter I got when I called my mom bubbling with excitement after the conference. I was inspired by the stories of women doing great things for other women and thrilled that I got to write an article to reflect about my day. Keeping a journal has always been a way for me to download my thoughts and a reflection article seemed to be a more formalized way of doing just that. My brain was full of thoughts, ideas, and even a bit of worry all of which made their way into the article.

Fact- writing an article, even one that is a reflection, is not the same as blogging, which was as close as I've gotten to writing a news article before this. As I've told people before, I like making things up so journalism hasn't meshed with my interests. But this opportunity was amazing so I figured that writing is writing and I could learn on the fly.

Journalism is different than any writing I've done before. During the editing process my boss helped me to change conversational phrases and make them more formalized, to find the right quotes to fit my story angle, and to keep everything as tight as possible. (Being succinct has always been a problem.) The whole experience was eye-opening and will definitely improve my writing overall, as well as exposing me to wonderful people and new possibilities. 

P.S. random thought: in an attempt to be clever my titles are getting longer and longer. (sorry not sorry?)

Third Book, First Chapter

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY POTTER!!!! Though I had long neglected writing about Harry Potter on this blog (until I broke my taboo) today is different. Today we must celebrate. Today, July 31st, is Harry James Potter's birthday. I will be celebrating later by swapping Harry Potter trivia and making cauldron cakes. (I'll post pictures later.) This post however, will be devoted to my love of the books in general and my favorite book of the seven, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

When I was seven years old I started reading Harry Potter with my family. My parents used to read to me and my siblings every night before we went to bed. It was even more touching that they would read ahead and when we were getting to a scary part, they would stop and wait for the next day. Harry Potter didn't make me a reader (though it did that for so many others) or even introduce me to fantasy. I was already a voracious reader dreaming about magic. But what the books did do was teach me what it meant to fall in love. I didn't fall in love with reading, with the world, or the characters. I fell in love with the experience that is Harry Potter. I fell in love with breaking the binding of the books, of memorizing the order of the chapters, of pretending to be Hermione Granger, and of making predictions and counting down the days until the next book came out. I fell in love with the experience of being drawn into a literary community. Now that I'm in college I have so many friends that I get to discuss literature with and share our favorite books. I will be eternally grateful to J. K. Rowling for introducing me to this experience.

Now on to my favorite book. Somehow Prisoner of Azkaban gets lost in the shuffle. To me, there's something so amazing about Harry learning more about his parents, their friendships, and finally getting that father-figure. And of course, I cheer every time Gryffindor finally wins the inter-house quidditch cup. It also seems relevant to me today, that it is the only one of two books (Chamber of Secrets is the other) that actually starts on Harry's birthday, even though they all start in the summer. The first line is, "Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways" (Rowling 1). A few pages later it says, "Yet another unusual thing about Harry was how little he looked forward to his birthdays" (Rowling 5). But in the first chapter of the third book Harry gets his first ever birthday cards and presents. He has been in the wizarding world, with people who actually love him, long enough to feel normal. Normal in this case, does not mean non-magical, but simply means that he has friends and people who care about him. And with that essay-like discussion I would like to say goodbye, because I have some rereading to do.

Playing With a Loose Tooth

When my brother lost his first tooth I was shocked to discover that not everyone gushes blood when a tooth comes out. I learned that this is because instead of tugging at it until the tooth fell out, my brother just let it happen. I on the other hand could never handle waiting for my tooth to fall out but would play with it constantly until I couldn't handle it any more and just yanked. The result was blood and a rush to clean my mouth up before I got anything stained.
While this may sound gross, a bit graphic, and entirely irrelevant I promise that I do have a point. For over two years I have been struggling with parts of Guardians that don't seem to make sense and it's been like having that loose tooth. Like a loose tooth, the problem was just there and I kept playing with it and nothing happened. So I did the smart thing, ignored the problem, and just kept writing. While ignoring a problem isn't usually recommended it was necessary so that I could actually finish the story. But yesterday the answer fell into place, just like my brother's teeth used to fall out. The answer was so blindingly obvious that I was amazed that I didn't think of it earlier. But I guess that I just needed to be working with the plot for a while, understand the world I wanted to create and follow the rules I had made for it. And then, just like a loose tooth, the idea fell out of my mind onto the paper.

Chapter One

When things get hard anxieties take over. I feel like this is as much a fact of life as gravity (maybe even more so though probably not). But, when you return to the beginning the joy resurfaces, you feel the fresh air and remember, "oh yeah, I actually like what I'm doing." Towards the end of this past semester my posts started to get heavy and slightly stressed out. I've talked about the power of desire and how it drives me. But I've never focused on the darker side of desire. If you want something so badly it can seem like the world will end if you don't get what you want. Yes I want to be a published author one day. No I don't want to be paralyzed with fear every time I pick up a pen. My entire first year of college was one long battle with desire, pride, and fear. But no longer.
It's not that I'm never going to be a afraid of failure. That's natural. And I'm sure that at some point I'll be overwhelmed by how much I want to be a writer and lose track of the now. None of that should matter. Those are facts like anxiety is a fact. What's more important is that I LOVE to write and I'm happiest when I'm living in my head, listening to the words inside me (yes that was a bit sappy but it's cool). This summer I've been editing Guardians in the sense that I've been working on doubling it to get it to novel instead of novella length. And I realized that I love what I'm doing. There's nothing inside thinking what if this goes wrong, or what if this plot point doesn't work, or how is everything going to fit in with what I have? No voices except for the one I'm working to develop as a writer (oh hey, another bad joke). Just a girl doing what she cares about.
Muting the anxiety has actually paid off. I'm at a point where I have a fairly solid outline of what's to come and...drum roll please...introducing....CHAPTER ONE!!! That's right!!!! For a person unable to do more than divide her story into sections I have created a new beginning and found the courage to give it a name or in laymen's terms call it a chapter. Right now it's just called Chapter One but I have two or three names that I'm toying with. It's exciting to think that one day readers could open Guardians of Cornerstone and read this:

"Shana!" Eve Hearbweaver called. "Shana come to breakfast! It's an important day!"
Shana Herbweaver clambered down a rope ladder. It swung from the ceiling as she leapt nimbly onto the stone kitchen floor. "Sorry Mama. I was tinkering in the attic."

Well there it is. The first few sentences of an unpublished Chapter One.

Fake It Till You Make It

In writing you have to talk the talk before you can walk the walk. What I mean is you have to believe that you can do it until you actually can. One of my favorite (and oft quoted) authors Sarah Beth Durst talks about how to lie to yourself in her fabulous blog. I'm not quite talking about that, though it is good advice and a great place to start.What I mean by faking it until you make it is something more concrete. I've started to dream big, about the future when Guardians is published and I'll be able to take the "aspiring" part off of my title of aspiring author. So this past week I began to pretend that I was being interviewed about my first novel, Guardians of Cornerstone. Is it presumptuous? Perhaps but no one has heard it but me. And the mock interview was helpful. I began to talk about my characters and what I want people to get out of the story. During the course of my mental interview I was able to make two break throughs in my writing.

1. Where are the parents? As I'm beginning to rewrite/add to the story parents do come in to play but not enough. To me, writing is about capturing human relationships and I've left about a crucial one: parent/child. Your own life changes your writing and as I've been making my way through college my own relationship with my parents has been evolving. That being said, I feel like I have something to say about the topic and what I write will ground the piece in reality even as it's being written in a fantasy world.

2. Kalynn. In my last post about Kalynn I was having a hard time figuring out exactly who she was as a character. While I'm not quite there I do have a better idea of who she is. Kalynn is imaginative to the point of going overboard. In a new scene (not ready to be revealed) she has some plants trap Shana because she thinks there's an attacker coming after her. While creativity and imagination will make her a great Mingler (someone who comes into our world) you know what they say about too much of a good thing. Kalynn is easily excitable and sometimes lets her imagination get the better of her. 

It's a confidence boost to pretend that some big newspaper or tv show is interviewing you because if you can picture it in your head then it's already a possibility. While the whole visualization thing may sound cheesy (and it does) it also just may work.

On a completely unrelated note be sure to go to The Notebook tab and read an update to my Pillow Fort story as well as a completely new one

Pitch Black...?

I've been reading a lot lately which obviously has been wonderful. Something that I've noticed is that the protagonist has to figure out who to trust and who might ultimately betray them. And then I got to thinking...what if I wrote about the person who you shouldn't trust? What is they are a self-proclaimed bad guy who is actually good? What if I get to mix morality and magic and confuse myself in the process? (In the best way possible.) 
I wanted to take a nap when this idea popped into my head. My eyes were closing and the opening line came into my head. I wanted it to go away. You know, go into the saved as draft folder in my brain. It didn't want to. Other authors have characters talking at them. I have words floating in my mind and threatening to escape out my ears. So before it got drenched by the humidity in my room I wrote it down.

They say trust no one and they are right. I would know.
I am no one.

So the words should have been satisfied. I lay back down and tried to fall asleep. Then I saw more words. Clearly it was time to wake up. Here's the beginning of what will hopefully be my next short story. (In the continued attempt to expand what I write.)

They say trust no one and they are right. I would know.
I am no one.
My name is Afchada and I was trained from birth to spy, trick, betray, steal, and even kill. This is the path I was born to and the path I have chosen to follow.
You should know about me. You should be warned. I'm not a cliche, I'm deadlier than that. 
For one thing I don't wear all black. I've no idea why anyone ever thought that was a good thing. All black is obvious. I wear what I want. My favorite color is purple so I wear a lot of that.
For anther, I work for no one. I'm no spy for hire. I am still a "bad guy" in laymen's terms.
Bad guys work to bring seemingly stable governments down. Bad guys seek to populate the world with their rulers.
However, we tell the truth.
It's the good guys who lie.

I showed the piece to one of my roommates and she commented that it seemed really dark. Yes it's darker than I've ever written before. I haven't began to unpack Afchada but I want her to have a really cynical, sarcastic sense of humor. She is a good person doing bad things for the right reason. But what is right? Is she the hero that we first meet? Is what I've written a prologue of sorts?

The next step is tricky because I don't want to over-philosophize and I don't want to be too cliche. I do want to create a magic CIA that works to bring justice to the world using tactics that may seem to harsh or extreme. And I want to create a new type of heroine who isn't "good" in the typical sense and that we don't always like but ends up winning our hearts. 

A Non-Conclusion

It's time for another installment of "Over My Shoulder," where I try to bring the four main protagonists of Guardians of Cornerstone alive for my benefit and yours. Today it's time to meet Kalynn. She's the only one of my characters who isn't human. She is in fact an earth sprite complete with green-streaked hair, pointy ears, and skin that is tinged green. She even blushes green instead of red! Kalynn is Shana's best friend and the character that in some ways I know the least about. All I do know is that it takes a lot of strength to be best friends with Shana.

"What are you doing?"
I can't see Kalynn anymore but I can feel her. She got bored on my shoulder and climbed up to my head. "Why are you up here again?"
"I got bored. And I can see better from here."
"You can't read the words as well."
"No but I can see your hand and I can watch your facial expressions. It helps me know how to react to you."
"Do you want to grow larger and come sit next to me? Shana did."
Kalynn slides back down onto my shoulder. She sits there reading what I've written. But she's unable to stay still and I can feel her feet tapping out a rhythm on my arm. "I'm not Shana remember? If you want me on your shoulder that's where I'll be."
"But I want you to be happy. I don't want you to just do what I tell you to."
Kalynn is in the middle of doing a handstand on my shoulder blade. How she's staying balanced in beyond me. "I am doing what I want to." She lands on her feet. "Handstands are so much fun."
"So you're not bored with how I'm writing you?"
"I always have fun." Now she's attempting a split. I'm afraid she'll fall off. She does but the flower on my shirt comes alive in a twinkle of green light and catches her.
"I liked this shirt." 
"I can put it back on if you want. But it still looks good. It's just different than how it was before."
"Do you have flaws? Sometimes it's hard to write you so happy and helpful all the time. And don't just tell me that you can't stand up for yourself because I know that you can."
Her mouth droops in a pout and she stops climbing up the flower's stem. "Am I boring?"
"I can't figure you out."
She beams. "That's the beauty of me. I'm not easily readable, you have to spend time with me to figure it out."
Then she does grow to full size and puts a pen in my hand. "I think it's time you got back to work."

This one was longer than some of the others. As you can see, I didn't even reach any conclusions. Instead I'm just going to have to keep writing about Kalynn and I'll get there eventually.

Check out Shana and Ben sitting on my shoulder!

A Few Changes

Just as I'm learning how to be a writer I'm also learning how to be a blogger. I want my posts to be enjoyable, informative, and make readers want to look at my writing. You'd think after two and a half years I'd have things figured out but I don't know if I ever will. That's okay though because the theme of this blog is really just keep trying until things works out. To that end, I've cut a few pages out of the blog because I want to streamline the reading experience. Readers can now look at my posts, read excerpts from my to-be-published-one-day (hopefully) novel Guardians of Cornerstone, check out passages from future stories, and read my attempt at short stories.

So please do! And then share it with your friends!   

Some Non-Cliche Title

It's hard to figure out how to describe what I'm doing when I decide to stop working on Guardians every day and just write every day. (Hence the title of this post, there's no pretty or clever way to say it.) That isn't to say that I won't continue to work on Guardians (it's my unfinished pride and joy) but that I'm going to write new stuff as well. Throughout my day I'm talking to my friends, going places, and reading books. Everything gives me ideas and every time I get one I say to myself, "I want to write about that," but then it ends up getting shelved because I'm working on Guardians. Occasionally an idea fits into the Guardians plot but in reality every piece of magic can't fit into one story--that would be way too confusing. 

So most days, instead of adding new parts to Guardians, I'll actually get to work on these ideas. There won't be any outlines in my way and I won't have to worry about character development or keeping my plot consistent. It'll be back to basics, ink and paper (welcome to more cliches) and fun. I write to create other worlds, to escape within my imagination and I don't want to limit myself. And then, when I do return to Guardians for a day or two I'll have a new outlook and give it true life.

Hemingway to the Rescue

It's been an interesting process editing a manuscript that needs doubling. It's not like I'm just going through and fixing scenes or taking out lines, I'm literally adding pages and pages. I'm taking out entire chunks and trying to find places for new parts. There's a whole new beginning and scenes that I make passing reference to in my first draft are actually going to be fully written out. It's a lot harder in some ways because I want to be writing something that is consistent with what already exists. And it's hard to keep going sometimes because a) it's confusing. I have multiple plot lines in my head. The one that currently exists, the new one I've outlined out, and ones that pop into my head as I write. b) There are times when I just want to say, "am I done yet?" That would be great if one day I woke up and found out that the manuscript had edited itself. 

Enter Ernest Hemingway to save me.

Hemingway was a genius. I mean, he was scared from war and mentally unstable but his writing was great and he knew what he was doing. He gave great advice about writing too. Here's my favorite quote: 

“The best way is always to stop when you are going good and when you know what will happen next. If you do that every day … you will never be stuck.” 

Something about the simplicity of the advice struck me and I really had a "duh" moment (please excuse the use of the word duh but it's appropriate in this context.) Usually when I'm writing I scene I try and go until there's a definitive end point, a place where I can stick three asterisks *** and call it a day. But lately I've realized that this is a stupid approach. Anything that you're writing after you've become uninspired or bored is useless. If you happen to finish a piece because you love it so be it. But if you don't happen to know exactly where exactly the scene is going why force something? Lately, I've been writing as much as I feel like and when the inspiration stops so do I.

How does Hemingway help me edit? I write what's good and end when it's good and throw out my confusion. I'll worry about making everything fit when I have enough to fit. But for now, as long as it's good I'll keep on writing.

Ben Gets Things Right

Welcome to another installment of Over My Shoulder. Today I'll be writing about Ben. Full disclosure, Ben is by far the easiest character to write and the one who I understand the best. He's the problem solver, totally go-with-the-flow and is always determined to enjoy himself no matter where he lands...even if it's in an alternate universe.

I'm editing a Ben and Shana scene, they've just gotten trapped in Ancient Rome. Shana has devolved into a complete wreck and Ben is trying to fix everything. I'm not even writing, just looking at the flow of their dialogue and checking out my language choice.
Ben's not saying anything, he's barely moving. He's just watching my pen hover an inch or so above the page, waiting for me to make a mark.
"You could say something."
"You're thinking, that takes time."
"Yeah but you're here to help me, not watch. And I'm stuck."
He slides off my shoulder, down my arm and lands on the pages. "Ok then." He begins to walk across my scribbled-over paragraphs. "No, you're doing a good job. This is how things would have happened."
I hand him my pen. I trust him to only make positive changes, ones that I would approve of. He doesn't take it though.
"You would tell me if something was wrong right? You're not someone who lies just to be nice."
"Yeah I would. But you're fine right now. Don't sweat it and keep going."

That's Ben for you. Can't you see why he's a joy to write? He wants to help, is so nice, and is incredibly level-headed. Each of the other protagonists are a bit hyperbolic in one way or another and it's up to Ben to stay mellow. But, lest you think that he's too perfect his flaw is in his good qualities. Ben tries to overfix in a way. He MUST be able to put the pieces back together and solve everyone else's problems. When he gets transported to Cornerstone he has to sit back and let Shana, a girl he doesn't know, doesn't like, and barely trusts do the initial work, which is completely frustrating. Still, he's an angel when it comes to writing and he's the only one of my four heroes who I occasionally feel sitting on my shoulder.  

Over My Shoulder

In my last post I talked about how even though I was getting to know my characters they weren't quite sitting on my shoulder as I wrote, providing suggestions. So, instead of waiting for it to happen I've decided to make it happen. How do you ask? By writing a conversation of what it would look like if each of my four main characters were to sit on my shoulder as I wrote. Today I'm going to start with Shana. Brief background: even though I have four main characters Shana is the one who started it all. Even though she can be difficult sometimes (as a person and to write) she is nearest to my heart in many ways because without her there would be no story.

I'm sitting and writing in my notebook. Shana is on my shoulder. Navy light shimmers around her and now she's sitting on my bed next to me.
"Move over," she instructs shoving me a bit. My hand skids and purple ink streaks across the page.
I make some distance between us. "You made me ruin a page."
She shrugs. "It was not a good one."
I gasp in indignation. "You can't tell someone that. It's not polite." Even as I say it I know it will have no effect. Shana trumps truth over politeness. 
Shana continues to read as I ineffectually try to write. "I wouldn't say that." She points to a phrase. 
"Of course you would. I know you better than you know you. I made you up."
"No, you are simply recording my actions."
"Shana I'm not your biographer. Can you go back to my shoulder and just watch? You're only supposed to say things when I get stuck."
She tries to take the pen out of my hand but I avoid giving her control. "I couldn't see from there. You shouldn't have given me magic if you did not want me to use it. And you were stuck. You had not written anything for a full minute."
I switch pen colors and start editing. "That's not stuck, that's brainstorming. Aren't you supposed to be learning about patience?"
She takes the pen I was using to write and starts writing in her own notebook. Where she got it I'll never know. Even magic can't conjure something out of nothing. "Aren't you supposed to be teaching me patience?" She retorts.

There you have it. I can totally picture Shana correcting me, getting impatient too fast, and trying to blame everything on me. I know I showed her in an annoying light but to me she is endearing. Recently, I've been writing scenes where she's been great, and in total control of her situation. I needed this conversation to remind me about her roots and what I'm helping her to overcome.
Stay tuned for more "Over My Shoulder" posts!

The Perks of Being Ordinary

The more I work on Guardians the better I get to know my characters. I'm not quite at the point where I can feel them sitting on my shoulder watching me write, but I'll get there. In the meantime, one thing I can tell you is that they're nothing special. By this I don't mean that they are not special people but rather they are not extraordinary. This summer I've been read two different YA series where the protagonists are unique. Angie Sage wrote the Septimus Heap series where the main character Septimus is the seventh son of a seventh son. As an fantasy addict knows seven is an incredibly magical number and so any seventh son of a seventh son is predestined for greatness. The second trilogy I've read is called Poisons of Caux by Susannah Appelbaum. The protagonist Ivy becomes known as "the Chosen Child," and the subject of a prophecy made years before she was even born. So once again, anyone well-read in fantasy will assume that Ivy has to save the day by the end of book three. In Guardians my characters aren't predestined to save anything and Shana and Kalynn aren't gifted with any magic besides what any Guardian has. I think that's why I love my characters so much. They can't rely on any super powers but rather they need to solve their problems with their brains, their guts, and their ingenuity. And even though the novel is fantasy the characters are so real that they really will be sitting on my shoulders one day.
To read an excerpt about Ben and his ordinariness click here

Another Installment

As I've mentioned before the key to writing well is to practice always. So, to continue a theme started in my string theory post I'm going to pick another one of the lines from my notebook and do another free write. (Keep in mind this means that I am literally thinking on my feet as I type and will hit publish before I edit.)

Everything was just slightly crooked. She wasn't sure whether that was a comment on her character or just the fact that she was lazy. Spells, when you wrote them, were supposed to be neat and even. Guildmistress Tam would scold her for sure when she saw her work. Anyone could cast a spell that was true, but they had to read the spell from an official Scribal book. Only a Scribe had the power to imbue paper with the ability to transform a rock into a loaf of bread, to extinguish a fire, or even to heal a person.
Selena flipped through her sheets of paper, bound together beautifully with multi-colored ribbons. The beauty of her tools though, didn't improve her task. Classes at the Scribal Guild weren't as interesting as she had hoped. There was a reason that fewer and fewer people in Fyeria were choosing to become scribes. Fyerians were an active people by nature and most people did not want to assume that discipline that becoming a scribe required. Most Fyerians were artisans, creating wealth from raw materials and their hands rather than from ink and paper.
Selena idly dipped her brush into her ink pot and drew a few letters. She blew on the ink to quicken the drying process. However, the ink simply splattered onto her desk and unfortunately, Guildmistress Tam who happened to be walking by Selena's station.
"This will not do." The Guildmistress scolded. "Crooked, splattered, characters do not produce strong spells." Abruptly she clapped her hands calling the attention of everyone in the room. "Class, Selena will now demonstrate what happens when a Scribe does not write with patience and deliberation."
Selena slunk to the front of the room wishing that she had finished writing that invisibility spell. Once in front of the class she read aloud, "Feathery wings sprout/Blustery breeze lift me up/Past the horizon." Unfortunately for Selena the 'o' and 'n' in 'horizon' were smudged and the entire spell was written in cramped, slanted handwriting. Instead of temporary wings sprouting and lifting her into the air a feather duster materialized behind Selena and swept her feet, knocking her on the floor. 
Personally, Selena thought it was more impressive that she had managed to create a solid object from thin air than to be able to fly but Guildmistress Tam disagreed.
"And that class," she said ushering Selena back to her chair, "is why we do not let sloppy spells out into the city. Imagine if the Queen had needed us to use that flight spell on her Royal Transport. A cleaner vehicle would do her no good."
Hunching into her arms, Selena idly sketched a feather duster next to her failed flying spell along with a picture of a tidy Royal Transport. She would show it to Roi after class. He at least would laugh at her mistake.

This could be a fun story. As I always say, I love the power of ink on paper and this story would allow me to really give these two materials power. Imagine a world where those who write have the power and yet most people want to avoid the power. It's a magical world of silk-tent houses, and roads that are rivers traveled by raft. Fyeria is a migrating city spreading its crafts and spells throughout the world. The city, rivers and all, can be packed up into the Royal Transport which is a flying train.

Everything that I've just written is coming straight from my imagination. I haven't thought through anything yet and that's the beauty of free writing. It's a breath of fresh air after the more constrained task of editing. When you free write it can be anything you want and nothing quite has to make sense because there's no way of knowing where the story is going. I'm hoping to get another short story out of this but for now, it's one freewrite among many. 

Adventures in Paper Writing

I know it seems impossible but schoolwork has actually taught me something. Or my creative writing taught me something about schoolwork. I'm really not quite sure and if I try and figure it out I'll end up getting into a chicken vs. egg thing and I don't want to go there. The real point is that somehow, luckily, working on my writing process creative pieces has enabled me to write stronger college papers. Right now I'm working on a paper and I'm not quite sure where the thesis is yet. However, like not knowing the full plot I have decided not to care. Instead, I'm writing all these half-baked paragraphs that don't quite make sense and have ideas that may or may not make it into the final product. Much like   my recently revisited Guardians notebook, some things will stay and some won't make the final cut. I think that this is truly the beauty of all writing. It's not a formulaic process, but rather an organic flow of ideas that are pruned rather than suppressed at the get-go. And it's amazing how things are varying as Biblical feminism, American literature, and dragons and fairies all start from the same place and undergo the same transformations.

Point Taken

Part of this post is about feedback so, first, to the 2-3 people who take time to read my posts...HI! And thank you. It's nice to hear feedback. One friend recently pointed out that my last few posts have been deviating from the my other posts and have been more emotional and just a little crazed. (My words, not my friends). So, to return to my initial goal: create a blog that shares with others what I learn about writing. I've been putting pressure on myself lately to write every day and that pressure has actually been driving me crazy. I mean, I feel like I'm standing too close to everything and that I'm writing without a purpose. It won't be fun to write a ton of stuff for Guardians and then to have to delete large chunks because nothing ended up fitting. So it's time to return to my roots. When I first started writing Guardians two years ago (wow) I didn't do a lot of writing. I diagrammed, outlined, and just generally brainstormed. It wasn't formal outlining (though I did some of that) but rather me writing of bunch of plot ideas that quite frequently had a question mark after it. A few days ago I returned to that notebook. It was amazing to read whole passages that never made it into the first draft of Guardians as well as sentences that were in it verbatim. Looking at the notebook helped me to return to my roots and start to brainstorm for the first part of Guardians as well as develop later plot points. More than rejuvenating me though, the experience helped me realize how far I've come and how much I have learned since I started this process. This blog is proof :)

Desire Revisited...and a Look at Twizzlers

Like most people, I cry more than I'd like to admit and I never admit it when I do. But recently, as I've been trolling author's blogs, reading about new books being published, and basically just stalking the literary world, I've felt the tears curl into my eyelashes. While they aren't sad tears they are pretty annoying. Because let's face it we're taught that crying makes us look weak and that we shouldn't succumb to the emotions that flow out in salty tracks down our faces (couldn't resist getting poetic). In reality though, tears are indicative of strong emotions: sad, happy, or otherwise. The tears I've been crying recently fall into the otherwise category.
Last year I wrote a post about the power of desire and how it's the driving force behind anything we do. I wrote about the shortcomings of desire and the need to actually DO something instead of just wanting it. Now though, think about how overwhelming and almost paralyzing desire can be. Think about how scary it is to accept the possibility of failure and realize just how hard it will be to achieve your dream. Still, this desire is a good thing. My tears let me know that I haven't lost my love of writing and that I haven't become a dried up shell. Writing is still important to me and I hop it always will be.
Enter twizzlers. (Spell check wants me to write twirlers. What if there was an evil regime called the Twirlers They could suffocate their victims with ribbons made of steal. Maybe the heroes are people who can freeze time and stop the Twirlers. Think about it.) For a few days I've been getting all these great new ideas and I've been worrying that I won't get back to working on Guardians. This is where twizzlers come in. I love twizzlers. For me, they are the ultimate candy, even better in some ways than chocolate. As I was eating one I remembered that someone had once told me that twizzlers tasted red. BAM! Oh hey inspiration thanks for coming back. Don't ask how but that idea that twizzlers tasted red not only sounded a bit like something Rafi would say, but helped me to enter a place in the story that I was trying to get to. And instead of just trying to start writing it, I was lucky enough to have events in my every day life to inspire me. 
To read the excerpt that my favorite red candy inspired go here

String Theory

I've been on a role lately so why stop writing? This blog I mean. And the endless papers that every college student gets at the end of the semester. And my stuff...? Not one word added to Guardians in a while, and nothing written for a week or so. So what will I talk about today? I think it's time to reveal some of the slightly inane, but still wonderful fragments of inspiration that I deem worthy enough to make it into my little blue notebook. At random flipping through the notebook this is what I have found.

It was at once perfectly descriptive and told nothing at all

If you were to trace my thoughts lines would sprout into hedgerows

I'm in a different book so I can be a different character

Everything was just slightly crooked. She wasn't whether that was a comment on her character or just the fact that she was lazy

She focused on the little things. Dinner tonight, errands she still had to run and the weather. Always the weather.

She's not moving. How can she with books strewn around her and the fog in her brain at least an inch thick?

These fine specimen are a rare breed of writing: stuff that I like and can't place. Normally I write lines I don't love but need to fit somewhere or on rare occasions I write that perfect line that fits neatly after the preceding one. These lines though, are ones that I like, that may spawn something at some point, but don't quite have a place right now.  Eventually they'll all get strung together to form a story. But for now, in the spirit of actually WRITING something instead of just posting, for you're reading pleasure here is something that I will write using one of the above lines.

It was at once perfectly descriptive and told nothing at all. Sure, it was just a street sign but Robin Road could mean any number of things. Well, Jason amended his thought, it could mean any number of things. For one thing, it was definitely a road. He could see the houses lining the pavement and kids playing whiffle ball in the cul-de-sac at the end. But Robin? Why Robin Road? Bluejay Avenue was much more creative. Or Cardinal Lane. Robin Road felt a bit too generic to him.

So that's the beginning of something. I'm not quite sure what though. Obviously there's some quiet suburban life to destroy but how? Right now I'm thinking birds that guard genie lamps. And Jason will find one of course. I haven't decided whether or not the birds are going to like that yet. They will talk though. The birds I mean. They have to in a fantasy story. I mean come on. Did you really think that this would be a normal story? 

Follow Up

I often get into debates with my math/science friends with about the useful of my major (shocker it's English). The most recent quip I've heard it, "so basically you want to be unemployable." Great, fine, laugh. Let's ignore for a moment my Education minor and plan to become an English teacher. Let's also ignore the amount of hard work it's going to take and the amount of rejection I'm going to face, before I will hopefully be published one day. Instead, let's focus on what literature can give to the world. As I said in my last post, fantasy provides me with an escape. All literature does that. Literature reveals how humans think, how they react to each other and how they view the world at large. It helps us to work through social issues in the world and face injustices that may exist. Literature is an invaluable tool for sharing ideas and interacting with others because let's face it, not everything can be parsed down into 140 characters or less on Twitter. More than this though, it's the fact that literature is fiction that is so appealing. While this seems obvious, when I read fiction there are times when I get cynical. There is no way that some of the things that happen in books could happen in real life. (Even excluding books with unicorns or dragons) It's easy to look at fiction and feel disillusioned because there is no way in he** that some of the happy endings could happen. And yet we continue to read these books anyway. Why? Because we hope that one day maybe we'll have our own happy endings. And maybe things might not work out the way they do in books but if we make our own happy endings things will work out somehow. And maybe that sounds cliche. But maybe it doesn't matter. And even though I've used the word maybe too many times I think the point of this rambling post (why break tradition?) is that fiction has its place in the world and it might not cure cancer, but we need it anyway to give us hope while we're looking for the cure.

Fighting Reality with Fantasy

One of the reasons I love writing so much is that it gives me the ability to create my own world and be in control of a new reality. When life seems so chaotic it's nice to know that I can retreat, as I like to put it, into my own imagination. The reason I specifically like writing fantasy is that a) who doesn't love magic? and b) because it's a way to make even hard topics seem bearable. With fantasy you can get so caught up in the magic of the story that you can miss serious topics the first time around. One of the reasons I love to reread is to pick up on things that I missed the first time, especially the heavier themes. Any fantasy I've written so far though hasn't tackled anything super serious. Guardians talks about friendships and what it takes to make them work, not judging others, and reminding people that they don't have to have everything figured out. Those themes are things people think about on a regular basis and interact with every day of their lives and that's what hopefully makes my story relatable. This past weekend however I decided to tackle something a bit more challenging, though it still comes from my life. While this story still has magic in it and my voice is still the same, I hope that I've written something that help other people going through the same situation as I am. For a while I've wanted to write a piece about this topic but I've never known how to approach. Then I realized: why should I change my style just because I'm changing my subject matter? Now more than ever I should stick to what I love so that I can share this particular story. 
Look for the story Slight Movement in the new Short Stories tab!

Taking a Breather

Normally when I post I focus on the act of writing itself. I don't talk about anything else partially to limit the focus of my blog and partially because I hope that people who read this blog get to know me through my posts and my writing itself. Whatever the case may be I think that I need a break from tradition. I'm sitting in the same room where I finished the first draft of Guardians and where I wrote a large chunk of my research papers last year. Thinking about it, my body gets a visceral reaction: my stomach clenches, my chest tightens, and I can feel my breath getting shallower. I'm not here to write about my stress level though. As any college student knows, school is hard work, every assignment seems to come all at once, but everything always gets done. And I think this message, rather than any physical manifestations of stress, is the point of my post. 
More than the assurance that things will get done, I want to remind everyone that whatever we're doing, no matter how stressful, there is a point to it. As a person who is drawn to the Humanities my classes naturally have many papers that somehow seem to all be due at once. The thing is, as tough as it is to continually knock out five page papers, when I go back to reread them I remember that I actually like what I'm learning about. I chose to come to school for a reason: to do what I love. 
Writing creatively takes the same mentality in some ways as writing a paper does. It can be stressful, full of self-doubt, and nerve-wracking, but in the end it always gets done. More importantly however, I love to write fiction, even more than I enjoy finding that perfect quote or creating connections between two texts (I'm an English nerd I know). Yes sometimes things can get tough but in the end I love what I'm doing and I need to remember that every day.
As school goes into the final push and we enter finals I think that we all need to remember that we're working hard at whatever we're doing for a reason. There is an ultimate goal be it an outstanding education, a job in your desired field, or even to be able to one day see your books on the shelf of a bookstore. The point is that even though complaining is natural, pervasive, and even part of the college experience, it's not the end goal. We're here to achieve whatever our personal end goal is and eventually we will.
P.S. I have been doing some writing, check out the Guardians section for the newest excerpt!