Some Meandering Thoughts

It's been exactly a month since I've last posted. It's funny how life works. And right now I have all these thoughts swirling in my brain, and I can't figure out the best way to let them out. I mean, I want to make sense but right now everything I'm writing (and thinking to some extent) is confusing. Strangely, I do feel focused though, as if it's just me and my fingers and the keyboard, which is weird because usually I only feel that way with paper and pen. And now this post is taking on a very journal-like quality, reminiscent of my proto-angsty journal entries from middle school. 
There's just always stress in life. For example, right now I have four research papers due within a month and that's really intimidating. When things like that come around it feels as if other things must get pushed to the side. And then, all of the sudden, you run into the sharp corner of reality and realize that there's life after school, and you have to be doing something, and what if you're writing isn't actually good and you never get published and end up living in your parents basement? (Well that part won't happen). Life is filled with a lot of doubt sometimes and mostly I can push everything to that small container in the back of my mind. But now and then it overwhelms you and the dam walls come down. Like today I did two things that should have been exciting but actually caused a lot of stress. One was that I met with Career Services to talk about finding fall internships at publishing houses or literary agencies. I should be excited to start looking and get my feet wet. But really, it's intimidating that I have to start thinking about things like networking, and finding potential jobs. Even now just thinking about it I feel a little teary. Secondly, I went to a panel where alumna talked about their experiences in publishing. I was hoping that I would leave feeling charged and ready to keep working but instead, in some ways, all I felt was this overwhelming desire coupled with a devastating fear that I couldn't actually make it. When you want something so bad sometimes it seems a if you're life will be over if you don't get it. And really, I think in reality it's good to have a passion that you care so deeply about. But I guess it's all about moderation, you can't let you're dreams overwhelm you, they should only be driving you. 
College really is about gradually introducing you to the real world and forcing you to start thinking like and adult and looking after yourself. It's scary sometimes but I think that in some ways it's a blessing in disguise. I still have a home and people to look after me. And I do have a strong support system behind me. And in some ways I could be expecting too much of myself. I'm not even done with my freshman year of college, did I really expect to have some great internship already lined up or be signed with a literary agency or something? Of course not. I'm at school to learn and enjoy myself as well as plan for the future. So I guess that takeaway message is that stress is inevitable but there's always some good. It's all about standing on the really sharp point but somehow managing not to fall. So, thus concludes another cliche-filled, metaphor riddled, attempted poetic blog post. Hopefully it makes all my fellow worriers feel better. To end with the most cliche phrase I can think of--keep calm and write on.