Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Research...the Necessary Evil
For once I'll actually start by talking about my title. Research, even for a story that is intended to be completely fiction, is a necessary evil. Why you may ask? Because if I want to send some of my characters to ancient Rome at its birth (and I do) I can't make that part up. Not only would that misinform anyone reading it, but it would also make me seem really unintelligent (and I'm pretty sure I'm not). So, even though I haven't spent hardcore time in the library or anything I have spent a good chunk of time on Google, which I promise has been more fun than it sounds. (Or maybe it sounds fun to research Ancient Roman civilization, I'll let you decide). Anyways, before I started the research I made a list of questions that I wanted to find answers to. I was pretty successful but somehow, I still am afraid to start writing this part of Guardians. After some thought I think it's because I'm afraid that I've missed something really important that I'll desperately need. Then I realized that I just put another roadblock in my way and I should just start writing because I can always go back and do more research once I have a better idea of what I need to know. So, Hilana what have you learned today? I've learned that even though research is important you do reach a point where it's time to stop looking and start writing.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Going Public
This is it. My last post (which I published a minute ago) inspired me. I'm sharing this link, I'm going public. For something that people may not actually see this is literally one of the most terrifying things that I have ever done. I may be setting myself up for mass humiliation right now. On the other hand, I've received positive feedback before so maybe this won't go as badly as I think. Guess I just have to stop typing and start posting.
The Power of Desire...and the Roadblocks that Come With It
Desire and wanting things can take you a long way. If you want something material, it's usually just a matter of saving up enough money until you can buy it. But if it's something larger, more intangible, yet altogether more important, then, well, desire can only take you so far. Today I read a few articles on writing written by professional authors. And then I remembered that I want to become a published author even more than I want that material object. I want to become a published author even more than I want good grades, than I want to get my summer job, even more than I want to graduate college in four years. I have been telling people since kindergarten that I want to be an author and even though at the time I had no idea what that really entailed, it's something that I've always wanted to do. So, you would think that if I want to write as much as I say I do then I'd be writing all the time. False. I have, for your reading pleasure a list of reasons why I don't write.
1. No time. Let's face it. I'm in college currently working on getting two bachelor degrees and trying to graduate in four years. I take six classes a semester and am involved in so many different things on campus. Is this great? Yes. Is it what I want from my college experience? Yes. Is it helping me be a better writer? Probably not. So, to put that excuse to shame I just have to MAKE time. I make time to procrastinate, I should make time to write, which quite frankly, is way more useful and fun than procrastinating.
2. No creativity. Ok, screw it. I might not have been able to write a satisfactory poem since I've gotten here but I should be able to write Guardians. I believe that writing a novel is a matter of putting the pieces together not sitting around and waiting for inspiration to strike. And I have all the pieces. I know I do. They're in my brain sitting around patiently just waiting to get out. Only they can't because I keep moaning about how I lost my creativity. Let's face it- I didn't. The ideas in my brain prove it.
3. No practicality. This is a big one. There are almost not writers who really make a full time living off of it and even fewer that actually get to be published in the first place. Have a plan B, they all say. And I do. But my plan B seems to be consuming my life and I'm forgetting all about my plan A, which after all, is what I really want to do. So for once, plan B is getting shelved and I'm blowing the dust off of plan A. (excuse the bad metaphor).
4. No confidence. This is the biggest one. It is TERRIFYING to share your work. There is a reason the blog has never become a facebook status, and why I've just started showing it to people. You are your writing and while you're supposed to have a tough skin blah, blah, blah, iron skin can't stop you from feeling hurt when you hear a critique of your writing. Because when people criticize your writing they're criticizing you. BUT, the alternative to baring your soul for critique is just staying hidden, True, there won't be any barbs coming your way but there also won't be any praise. Who knows? You might actually be better than you think. (I might actually be better than I think). And isn't that why I write? To share my writing with others? So, fairly soon maybe the link to this blog will become a facebook status...maybe.
So there you have it. Four airtight reasons that I shouldn't be writing that have just been blown out of the water. I should be writing, I can be writing, and I will be writing. From now on I HAVE to be writing or I'll be stuck dreaming. And let's face it, my desire has lead me here but in the end, desire can only take you so far. After that, it's all about what you can do.
1. No time. Let's face it. I'm in college currently working on getting two bachelor degrees and trying to graduate in four years. I take six classes a semester and am involved in so many different things on campus. Is this great? Yes. Is it what I want from my college experience? Yes. Is it helping me be a better writer? Probably not. So, to put that excuse to shame I just have to MAKE time. I make time to procrastinate, I should make time to write, which quite frankly, is way more useful and fun than procrastinating.
2. No creativity. Ok, screw it. I might not have been able to write a satisfactory poem since I've gotten here but I should be able to write Guardians. I believe that writing a novel is a matter of putting the pieces together not sitting around and waiting for inspiration to strike. And I have all the pieces. I know I do. They're in my brain sitting around patiently just waiting to get out. Only they can't because I keep moaning about how I lost my creativity. Let's face it- I didn't. The ideas in my brain prove it.
3. No practicality. This is a big one. There are almost not writers who really make a full time living off of it and even fewer that actually get to be published in the first place. Have a plan B, they all say. And I do. But my plan B seems to be consuming my life and I'm forgetting all about my plan A, which after all, is what I really want to do. So for once, plan B is getting shelved and I'm blowing the dust off of plan A. (excuse the bad metaphor).
4. No confidence. This is the biggest one. It is TERRIFYING to share your work. There is a reason the blog has never become a facebook status, and why I've just started showing it to people. You are your writing and while you're supposed to have a tough skin blah, blah, blah, iron skin can't stop you from feeling hurt when you hear a critique of your writing. Because when people criticize your writing they're criticizing you. BUT, the alternative to baring your soul for critique is just staying hidden, True, there won't be any barbs coming your way but there also won't be any praise. Who knows? You might actually be better than you think. (I might actually be better than I think). And isn't that why I write? To share my writing with others? So, fairly soon maybe the link to this blog will become a facebook status...maybe.
So there you have it. Four airtight reasons that I shouldn't be writing that have just been blown out of the water. I should be writing, I can be writing, and I will be writing. From now on I HAVE to be writing or I'll be stuck dreaming. And let's face it, my desire has lead me here but in the end, desire can only take you so far. After that, it's all about what you can do.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Semester Review
It's been a long first semester at school. And even though I'd like to say that's why I haven't written in five months, it's not the reason. Basically, I'm just terrible at keeping up to date with anything remotely journal like. But there has been a lot going on in terms of my life as some sort of writer/poet/author person so I might as well update. Brace yourselves, it's going to be a long post.
Literary Magazines and Aesthetics and Change
This past semester I joined two literary magazines but I can confidently say that next semester I will only be on the board of one. The one I'm staying on is totally chill and fun and people there are willing to look at every piece with an open mind. They aren't stuck up just because they're the staff and they're ready to give every piece a chance. The other magazine, the one I'm leaving, is basically the opposite. The staff is pretty pretentious and it's a struggle to even get them to vote "maybe" on anything. I mean, it's not like I write anything Pulitzer worthy and I'm pretty sure that even if their stuff is great it's not the best. They shouldn't just trash other people's work, especially when poetry (which is most of the submissions) is so personal. Everything should be looked at with the hope that it will be good enough to get put in the magazine. But enough ranting. I think that the basic thing I've learned from being on both editorial boards is that aesthetics vary wherever you are. My high school's aesthetic seems to be different than what I'm finding at college. I guess the struggle now is to decide whether or not I want to tweak how I write so that I can be accepted where I am now, or if I'm proud of my stuff and I believe that it can shine wherever I am. Or maybe I don't need to be so defiant and I can just realize that I believe in what I write but maybe it needs to be edited. Everyone can always grow as a writer so this is a good chance for me to keep experimenting. However, that doesn't mean that I'll get discouraged if one person doesn't like something I've done because it doesn't mean someone else won't like it.
Inspiration
It is really hard to get inspired in college for some reason. Seriously, it feels like college sapped all the creativity out of me. There are nights where I would stay up late writing one bad poem after the other. All the while I kept meaning to post about how much harder it is to force yourself to write poetry than it is to sit down and work on a story. On that note, I was able to plug away at Guardians a bit and hopefully by the end of my vacation I will have reached a place where the end is actually in sight. But back to poetry. Somehow, I can't seem to find that flow that I had. I used to have these days where all I could do was write and all my thoughts seemed to want to form a poem. But now it seems like everything I write is forced and terrible. Now I don't know how bad anything actually is. It may be that I'm just getting too critical of myself because I'm suddenly super afraid of what everyone else thinks. On the other hand, sitting down and deciding to write a poem never really works. I guess I don't really have a solution for this problem. One thing I do know is that this too shall pass and I'll find my creative spark again.
Being Different, Being Special
In high school, writing defined me, especially during my senior year. I was editor of the literary magazine, helped run the school's poetry slam, and did three separate projects based on creative writing. People knew that I was someone who wrote and it was what made me special. This uniqueness was especially important to me because in the middle school I went to you weren't considered talented unless you were athletic or you could sing. Now, I've never been athletic and despite my best efforts, I can't sing to save my life. But writing wasn't considered a talent in middle school so basically I just felt unspecial and talentless. High school showed me that writing was a talent and that I had something special. At least, I thought I did until college. At the school I go to there are an unbelievable amount of amazing writers. Suddenly, writing isn't this thing that a few people do, it's something that basically everyone does and they do it well. That kind of knowledge can take a toll on an aspiring author's self-esteem. Over the past four years writing has become such a crucial part of who I am that if I discovered that I wasn't actually a good writer then I wouldn't know who I was and that's a really scary thought. I guess it's just a big fish in a little pond moving into a bigger pond but that doesn't make the move any more comfortable. I guess like I said before, you just have to trust in your writing and believe that it can shine anywhere.
So, there it is. The longest blog post I've written in almost a year spanning over two days (because I started writing at 11:40 PM and it's now 12:03 AM) and covering five months of thoughts, reflections, and conclusions. Who knows what will come next for me. One thing I do know is that it could easily be another five months until I write here again. Hopefully not, but one thing that college has taught me is that there's no sense in trying to plan anything, it's more enjoyable to just let things happen on their own time.
Literary Magazines and Aesthetics and Change
This past semester I joined two literary magazines but I can confidently say that next semester I will only be on the board of one. The one I'm staying on is totally chill and fun and people there are willing to look at every piece with an open mind. They aren't stuck up just because they're the staff and they're ready to give every piece a chance. The other magazine, the one I'm leaving, is basically the opposite. The staff is pretty pretentious and it's a struggle to even get them to vote "maybe" on anything. I mean, it's not like I write anything Pulitzer worthy and I'm pretty sure that even if their stuff is great it's not the best. They shouldn't just trash other people's work, especially when poetry (which is most of the submissions) is so personal. Everything should be looked at with the hope that it will be good enough to get put in the magazine. But enough ranting. I think that the basic thing I've learned from being on both editorial boards is that aesthetics vary wherever you are. My high school's aesthetic seems to be different than what I'm finding at college. I guess the struggle now is to decide whether or not I want to tweak how I write so that I can be accepted where I am now, or if I'm proud of my stuff and I believe that it can shine wherever I am. Or maybe I don't need to be so defiant and I can just realize that I believe in what I write but maybe it needs to be edited. Everyone can always grow as a writer so this is a good chance for me to keep experimenting. However, that doesn't mean that I'll get discouraged if one person doesn't like something I've done because it doesn't mean someone else won't like it.
Inspiration
It is really hard to get inspired in college for some reason. Seriously, it feels like college sapped all the creativity out of me. There are nights where I would stay up late writing one bad poem after the other. All the while I kept meaning to post about how much harder it is to force yourself to write poetry than it is to sit down and work on a story. On that note, I was able to plug away at Guardians a bit and hopefully by the end of my vacation I will have reached a place where the end is actually in sight. But back to poetry. Somehow, I can't seem to find that flow that I had. I used to have these days where all I could do was write and all my thoughts seemed to want to form a poem. But now it seems like everything I write is forced and terrible. Now I don't know how bad anything actually is. It may be that I'm just getting too critical of myself because I'm suddenly super afraid of what everyone else thinks. On the other hand, sitting down and deciding to write a poem never really works. I guess I don't really have a solution for this problem. One thing I do know is that this too shall pass and I'll find my creative spark again.
Being Different, Being Special
In high school, writing defined me, especially during my senior year. I was editor of the literary magazine, helped run the school's poetry slam, and did three separate projects based on creative writing. People knew that I was someone who wrote and it was what made me special. This uniqueness was especially important to me because in the middle school I went to you weren't considered talented unless you were athletic or you could sing. Now, I've never been athletic and despite my best efforts, I can't sing to save my life. But writing wasn't considered a talent in middle school so basically I just felt unspecial and talentless. High school showed me that writing was a talent and that I had something special. At least, I thought I did until college. At the school I go to there are an unbelievable amount of amazing writers. Suddenly, writing isn't this thing that a few people do, it's something that basically everyone does and they do it well. That kind of knowledge can take a toll on an aspiring author's self-esteem. Over the past four years writing has become such a crucial part of who I am that if I discovered that I wasn't actually a good writer then I wouldn't know who I was and that's a really scary thought. I guess it's just a big fish in a little pond moving into a bigger pond but that doesn't make the move any more comfortable. I guess like I said before, you just have to trust in your writing and believe that it can shine anywhere.
So, there it is. The longest blog post I've written in almost a year spanning over two days (because I started writing at 11:40 PM and it's now 12:03 AM) and covering five months of thoughts, reflections, and conclusions. Who knows what will come next for me. One thing I do know is that it could easily be another five months until I write here again. Hopefully not, but one thing that college has taught me is that there's no sense in trying to plan anything, it's more enjoyable to just let things happen on their own time.
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