The Beauty of Scratched Lines

After a lifetime of trying to write I have completely defeated my fear of crossed out lines. They are beautiful and instructive. It may seem like these black inked lines are mocking me, telling me that I haven't written anything worth keeping. In reality though, they are challenging me to do better because they know I can. (Excuse the metaphors, I wanted to do something cheesy...as usual.) 

It takes strength to cross out lines you've already written. Sometimes it's so agonizing to write a paragraph you can't believe that you're going to have to start all over again. But it always makes the writing better when you start over. Because forcing words to work isn't the right way to write. You have to feel comfortable with what's on the page, not want to grimace whenever you read it.

Like everything in life, crossing out is something that needs to be done in moderation. If everything is crossed out then there isn't anything left to work with. Right now I'm struggling not to cross everything out. I'm frustrated but I know that I have to leave something for me to edit. So even though I want to cross out everything and start all over again, I know that there are some phrases that I can work with, make better, and eventually feel good about.

Twist Tie

Over the summer I stepped back from Guardians for a bit. It was good and gave me a chance to focus on other pieces. But as you can see from my past two posts I'm back full throttle. It's amazing what a sense of surety can do. Somehow, I know that I'm going to be able to get everything done. These past few years have also given me more insight into the writing process. So when I decide to do something crazy, like tweak the plot drastically, I can handle it. Believe it or not I haven't written anything that relates to my new plot development. It's easier to let the idea sit in my mind and cook for a bit and then when I know that everything is concrete enough I'll start writing.

In the meantime I'm just plugging ahead with chapter one. Working chronologically has been helpful in this case because it provides me with a blueprint for what I'm supposed to be doing. Normally it's more fun to jump around to whatever I feel like writing but in this case it's better to stay grounded and keep going forward.

Now to jump topics a bit...

Right now I'm working on Ben and Rafi's story before they even discover Cornerstone and get transported to this alternative, magical universe. It's completely normal and it's been interesting for me to write something that reads as realistic fiction instead of fantasy. This writing is more real in some ways because I can't use magic to move the pace along, I just have to rely on my character's emotions. Of course, I love adding the magic in. To me, fantasy is exciting because it allows you get lost in another world and only after realize that everything relates to your life. But I guess it's also important to figure out how to write when I'm in the real world.

So here's an excerpt about hot chocolate and parents

Mom was waiting for him inside with a cup of cocoa. The good, the bad, the stressful, every occasion had to be marked with hot chocolate, Ben thought not unappreciatively.
She hadn't forgotten the whipped cream or marshmallows either. "How did it go?"
The marshmallows came off first. Ben chewed them slowly. The the whipped cream disappeared with a swipe of the spoon his mother had knowingly left for him. After a gulp of cocoa he shrugged.

Plot Twist

Doubling a novel means adding a lot. About 40,000 words to be exact. While this might be a moment of panic, as I continue to edit and read I've learned that there's always more to add. There are plot gaps to fix, scenes that can be elongated, a world to develop and characters that have to grow. All of these are concepts I've been talking about for the past year or so as I've been continuing to work on Guardians. The other day I decided to change the plot. Not dramatically, but rather I wanted to add drama. For a while I've felt that the plot was moving too slowly and that parts of the book might not be engaging enough.

Once in a while I get brainwaves. They're exciting, enthralling, and energizing. (Yes, that's a lot of e's.) Over the summer I talked about the feeling of having things fall into place. The new plot idea was one of those moments. There will be a bit more mystery, a stronger villain, and a lot more tension. True, I love books that feel like every day life, that really make us feel like we're living with the characters. BUT...when I read I want something that's not like real life. I want mystery, adventure, and magic. So I'm amping everything up to give myself, and hopefully others, what they want.

To provide some back story before I give an excerpt: Helvor, the crazed magician who created the portal between the two worlds in the first place, is trying to merge both universes back together (even though it will actually kill everyone.) In this scene he has Ben and Shana in his clutches.

Shana was furious. No one controlled her. To find out that she was part of some twisted scheme to merge the Anchor and Other worlds was not only enraging it was terrifying. Still, being angry was better than being scared. 
She turned (as much as she could while in chains) to let Helvor have it.

Further Adventures in Paper Writing

I am currently writing one of the hardest papers I've ever been assigned. As someone who cranked out multiple five-page papers every three to for weeks last year it's hard to figure out why one four page paper is causing me so much stress. It's not that my papers are ever perfect, but I've figured out how I write and once I hit my stride I can produce a draft in under three hours. This one though is nearly impossible.

Perhaps it's the fact that this professor is incredibly tough. Perhaps it's because I'm "spinning wheels" (his words.) Perhaps it's because I'm so confused I've forgotten what I'm saying. When a paper is this frustrating it's hard to enjoy writing and hard to feel confident. I'm spiraling into some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy where I think I'll get a bad grade so I'm doing poorly as a result. Time to bring in three years of experience with writer's block. True, writing fantasy is way more enjoyable than writing about Greek philosophy but the principles should be the same. 

1. Write the parts you can. If you're not feeling inspired by part of your argument stop and move onto something else. You can always fill in the gaps while editing. 
2. If a line seems tortured than it probably is. Making a sentence longer with more transition words does not mean that it's stronger now. Even though length is important knowing what to delete is probably more important. (see number three).
3. Get to the point. No one wants to read pages of description. Likewise, no professor wants to read paragraphs of introduction. Once I figure out my point (it's somewhere in the paper) I'll make it the first sentence and build off of it.

So this paper isn't impossible. And writing this post was therapeutic. There's no guarantee that I'll magically become a machine and write an A paper. But at least I've reminded myself that I do know what I'm doing. 

To everyone out there reentering paper writing season, good luck and I hope this helps. 

Three Years Later

Almost exactly three years ago I began brainstorming for what would eventually become the 109 page manuscript of Guardians of Cornerstone. It took me a year and a half to finish a draft and I've given myself another two years (plus the year and a half I've already had) to double it, edit it, and make it ready for submission. Through this experience I've definitely learned about how I function as a writer, started to find my voice, and figured out what I want my story to do. It's weird to think of a story as doing something but if it didn't behave a certain way (pace, tone, etc.) then it wouldn't be distinct. (Sorry if that didn't quite make sense, it's only the second week of school and I'm already exhausted.)

I'm really proud of myself for still working on Guardians. This is the first story that I've written that I haven't given up on. As I've been writing I've started to realize that I can do this (this being finish) and potentially one day even get published. Not that there won't be anxiety or self-doubt but it's nice to know that I can have moments of calm.

To celebrate, and because I was bored in class, I made a word cloud of my Guardians draft. First I have to say that I'm amazed that technology can process 41,000 words in under a minute and turn it into a word cloud. Secondly, it gave me a good idea of which words I use the most. Predictably, Shana, Ben, Kalynn, and Rafi's names were the most frequent (in that order.) However, words like eyes, mouth, and shook, also made appearances. During the editing process I've been trying to see what words and phrases I use too much and this was a great visual. 

So happy anniversary Guardians and may you one day be sitting on a shelf somewhere.