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Sharing a piece of your writing is a terrifying experience. I should know because for the past four years I have been a regular contributor to my high school's literary magazine and there was always that moment where I would hold my breath while the staff was voting whether or not to accept my piece. If a piece was rejected you had to remind yourself that it was nothing personal, the staff could have different aesthetics than your own, or that maybe the piece should have been edited more before submission. Still, when it's your piece covered in edits you can't always keep a clear head. Writing anything is like baring a piece of your soul to anyone and everyone who can read. It's a stomach clenching, gut wrenching experience that I don't recommend but is definitely a necessary evil. However, even submitting my poems to lit mag didn't compare the the nerves I felt when sharing the first 54 pages of "Guardians" with two of my friends. This story is the product of 11 months of sweat, blood, and tears (not exactly but I exaggerate for emphasis). To top off the insane amount of work I have already put into "Guardians" it is the first time that I have really tried to write something as complex as this story. And since I'm obviously my biggest critic I had no idea what my friends' reactions would be. To my shock they both liked it. And no, I'm not being self-deprecating it's just that I know that first drafts are always far from perfect and are almost never like the final product. So I was happy yet surprised when I got positive reviews from both of them not in the least because they were both teenage boys and the book is geared mainly towards preteen girls. Once I got over my shock though I was very happy that I had gotten positive feedback. Obviously neither of my friends are literary critics or anything but it was good to know that someone thought that I had some kind of author potential. So to continue the trend of poorly ending posts I guess I'll just say that showing that first person is nerve-wrecking but could potentially pay off in the end so it's totally worth the risk.

Disclaimer (a little too late)

So this post is coming six months too late but better late than never as the old cliche goes. Anyways, I just reread my posts on the blog and basically just cringed. Between my trying to be funny (which I'm not) and never ending any post satisfactorily I'm glad that I've never publicized that I write this blog. If anyone actually read it I would probably just receive scathing reviews. (And not just because of all the typos I've found.) So I would like to add a disclaimer to this blog: IT IS A TOTAL BRAIN DUMP!!!! I basically just type whatever I'm thinking and edit after I hit the publish button. Is that the most efficient or rational way to write a blog? Probably not but it's how I write and I guess that's what this blog is about in the end.

Moodiness

Firstly, don't ask about this title or think too much about it. I'm tired from chasing 4 and 5-year-olds all day at work. Sorry, I can't resist tangents. Anyway, on to the actual topic which has to do with moodiness or more specifically, moods. This summer I've been doing a lot of work on Guardians even if it's just a few sentences a day. The point is that I keep writing and keep the juices flowing. It's one of those things where sometimes I have to make myself sit down but once I start writing I can't stop. To me, writing a novel isn't something that you exactly have to be in the mood for, you can kind of just put yourself in the mood. However, I realized that I haven't written any poetry at all this summer. I find the fact funny because this past year I was writing poetry non-stop, it actually became a bit of an obsession. But my lack of poems actually confirms I theory I've always had which is that poems arrive. I've never written a satisfactory poem when I've just sat down and been like, "I'm writing a poem now". Poems to me are a more organic process between thoughts and paper. They're almost like eloquently phrased diary entries. And as I've learned you have to be in a certain mindset or mood to write poetry versus being able to submerge yourself in another world when writing a novel. And although they're very different types of writing I have to say that I enjoy both.

Wake Up Call

Blogging is the same as journaling, is the same as writing: they all require discipline. Whenever I start a journal entry it usually begins, "wow, I can't believe it's been this long since I've written." It's funny how life catches you up sometimes. Even during the last month when I've watched more consecutive hours of television than I think I ever have before it still never occurred to me to update this blog. Luckily, as every creative person knows inspiration lies around every corner. And today I got a wake up call in the form of a true author's blog. Sarah Beth Durst (a personal favorite of mine) has a blog that she updates WAY more regularly than I do. I don't know if she just remembers to or she feels an obligation to because she knows that people actually read her blog. But I digress. One of her blog entries talked about reading about writing. The post reminded me that I love reading and writing about writing and I should get back to it. Really though, I'm still so amazed that you have to work at a passion. Even if you love something so much the ordinary and mundane can distract you. But now, thanks to a month of rest and relaxation and that wonderful wake up call I am back and ready to write. Now, to do away with the corniness and figure out how to end this post.

Writer's Apathy

Dictionary.com defines apathy as, "absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement." I don't know if I would say that I'm not passionate about Guardians anymore, it's more that I've been outlining and reworking the plot to death and I need a break. You know that feeling where you do something so much that you just get sick of it? Like when you eat too much chocolate (yes, it can happen) it's too much of a good thing. I'm standing too close to the story right now and I've been looking at it from every possible angle. If I could take five metaphorical steps back things might be better.

Now, I wouldn't say that I have writer's block because I know exactly what comes next in the story and I know exactly where I'm going with it. I guess I would say that I've become disconnected from the story: the characters have become intangible and the plot unfamiliar. So, in the course of the five minutes that I've been writing this, half of my mind has been trying to solve the problem. (I know that seems weird, but I'm never just focusing on one thing. Multitasking is the way to go.) Here is my two-part solution to my Writer's Apathy.

1. Reread everything that I've written so far but DO NOT edit. The point isn't to improve on the story it's just to remind myself where I'm going with it.

2. Start writing sections by hand. If I feel more physically connected to the story, it will be easier to mentally connect to the story.

Now, if you excuse me, I have some writing to do.

Flexibility

I've been doing a good amount of work on Guardians for the past few weeks. Unfortunately, most of my efforts have not actually made it to the computer yet and are still firmly stuck in my notebook. The reason is, that there are some holes in my plot right now that I am trying desperately to fix. It's pretty frustrating because I can't actually write the story right now until my mind feels comfortable with the plot and where the story is going. However, I'm also really enjoying the experience. It's not a ton of fun or anything, a lot of it is rereading what I've written and looking at my outlines, and trying to stay consistent, which is can get repetitive. No, what I'm so happy about is that I have the ability to go back and change the plot. When I've tried to write stories before I've outlined everything and essentially gotten locked into a plot sequence before I've even begun to write. This time, I realized that I needed to be more flexible and so I didn't outline the entire story before I began. I did A LOT of brainstorming, and outlined the first half. Then I wrote and wrote and wrote, did some plot-tweaking, and wrote some more.

Now that I'm halfway through the plot I realized that I had used up my outline. So I did have to go back and outline the second half. But almost as soon as I began writing I found the holes. I mean, they were so big I could see right through them (Bad joke, I know. I couldn't resist.) But really, the holes were frustrating me and I literally could not write until I fixed them. So I did and now I can write again.

SO, the point of this ridiculously long tangent is that I have come to the conclusion that writers need to be flexible. They have to understand that the plot, the characters, or their own random brainstorms may take them a different way than they initially thought. I'm not usually that flexible but in this case, I think that giving into the story is the best thing a writer can do. Because being inflexible is basically another way to say that the writer is blocking their creative juices. And who wants to read something that lacks creativity? Not me, that's for sure. And I want to write something that lacks creativity even less.

Halfway There!

Halfway is there really strange point isn't it? It's a total glass half empty or half full situation. You can look at the halfway mark as a celebratory point or just sort of groan and realize how much more you have to do. Being the strange person that I am, I usually do some of both. First I feel happy because I'm proud of myself, and then I just start pushing forward to finish. So, after that total tangent (nice alliteration, don't you think?) I should probably get to the point of this blog. The halfway point I'm referring to is the halfway point of my senior project story "Guardians of Cornerstone". I'm really proud of myself and everything but at the same time, I know that this isn't even a legitimate halfway point. After this draft comes another one and then another. But this is the first time that I've actually been able to sit down and keep writing and that in itself is an accomplishment worth celebrating.

Battle of the Sexes

Today I went to Boskone 48 NEFSA's (New England Science Fiction Association) science-fiction/fantasy convention. It was my fourth year going and as always I came back energized and ready to pour more energy into my own stuff. Actually, I spent one of the panels taking notes and brainstorming ideas for Guardians of Cornerstone. I've almost reached the halfway mark and Boskone gave me the energy to push forward and finish my first draft. But, the most interesting panel I went to was about whether or not fantasy is becoming a genre geared more towards girls. I guess the question is: do boys even read any more? Well this is probably a vast over-generalization most boys I know do not read, especially not fantasy books. (With the exception of Harry Potter.) My own belief is that so much of the fantasy written by female writers is about strong, powerful, female protagonists doing stereotypically "boy" things and generally just kicking some butt. And I don't know if boys who are in the 12-15 year old age range are prepared to handle that. Well I am definitely for egalitarianism in books and all I can't help but wonder if we girls don't need the help. Even though women aren't oppressed gender roles still exist and in some ways, are encouraged. Girls often feel empowered when reading books about females who break those gender roles and excel while doing so. Boys might not like it, but the truth is that girls are capable of doing whatever they can do. It does disappoint me though to think that as a whole, girls read much more than boys do. But at the same time, when thinking about my own story, I know that boys might not like it. Am I going to change the story to make it more gender neutral? No. I believe that writers should first and foremost write for themselves and whatever else I may be, I am definitely a girl. Hopefully both genders will like my story but if I write something that I can be proud of then I will definitely be happy.

Analysis

I think that to be a good writer you have to be able to be a good analyzer. I think that it's important to be able to understand people and how they feel. I mean, how else are you going to be able to make people relate to your writing. I like to think that I'm good at reading people and understanding how they feel. Hopefully I put that into my characters when I write and it shows. As for my poetry, well that's more raw and personal. But if I can analyze and capture my own feelings then maybe people can relate to whatever I write down from my self-analysis.

One of the Many Reasons I'm Writing This

Ok, long title. But seriously, I tend to think a lot. I mean, I'm sure everyone does because thoughts are part of what makes us human. But I don't know if most people analyze their own thoughts as much as I do. And when it comes to writing, I tend to write exactly what I'm thinking even if I'm not the one doing the talking (a character could be). Since I think so much about writing I figured that I should share my ideas. I don't know if my ideas are revolutionary or anything, but they've helped me so maybe they'll help others.

Subjects

Everyone says to write what you know. For me that kind of just means myself. It may sound sort of selfish or conceited but I think what it actually means is that I'm writing what I know best. I mean, if I don't know myself than what do I know? Maybe that sounds a little too philosophical but in reality it's just easier to write exactly how you're feeling at the moment you pick up the pen. And a lot of the time I'm thinking about my life. Also, I always write for myself first and others second because if I don't like what I've written then why would I expect anyone else to? The down side is that my poems can sound repetitive or the phrases can sound the same sometimes. I think the hardest part of writing is finding a way to create variety and create a solid voice for yourself. But I think that if I write about myself then it helps me find my voice so hopefully I'm doing something right.

Title Explanation

The title "Ink and Paper" seems pretty oxymoronic considering that this blog only exists in the virtual world. But as I writer I almost always hand write my pieces before I type them. To me the experience of putting ink onto paper is very grounding. There is something solid about forming words that way and it makes me feel as if I am creating something three dimensional and very physical, not just a piece based on intangible thoughts.

Creation

This blog was inspired by my senior project. I am attempting to write a young adult fantasy novel in a mere nine months. I don't know how far I'll get but as the old cliche goes: "life is about the journey, not the destination." In this case I agree wholeheartedly. As I write I learn more about writing and myself as a writer. For the past few years I've been thinking a lot about the actual writing process and what creative writing is. Now I've decided that I should record my thoughts because as a writer, I believe in sharing what I think through my words.